18406ej
0
To my OFF friends:
I have some good news for you- Me and a college buddy started an import/export company a few months ago and have had terrific success, primarily in the import of foods from central and eastern Europe. We just received two 20' shipping containers packed with seafood from Yugoslavia (a landlocked country that ships a suspiciously large amount of seafood...). Anyway, the containers arrived in Astoria with a disturbingly low ice to seafood ratio which is going to make further shipping problematic. The containers were destined for a a large fishing club in southern Kansas, but there is no way we can get them there before further cargo damage occurs. We are therefore going to give this bounty to you, because if the load doesn't go to a fishing club we don't get the tax break. The containers are enroute to the OFF Headquarters (Troutski's House) as I write this.
I poked around the inventory within the shipping containers and noted that you will be receiving the following:
78 20lb containers Longneck Clams. Some spotting on the meat, but nothing that can't be cut off before serving.
300lbs Oysters (4.3lb individual containers). See above for condition. I was excited because a majority of these oysters appeared to contain pearls, but upon closer inspection these lumps are some sort of chalky/slimy growths (that are probably delicious!). I also talked to an expert about this and he me told that few known pearls are green.
40 Containers marked “Whitefish/Cod Fillets” but actually look to be Salmon or some other red-blooded fish. I am pretty sure it is normal for the blood to be on the outside of the fillets.
12 cases with unknown contents (the shipping containers got pretty humid when they warmed up and the condensation destroyed these labels). I opened one of these boxes and found that you are the proud owner of about 400lbs of Eel Jerky. I think. There are also some suckers so it could also be dehydrated Calamari.
1000lbs Yugoslavian King Crab. These are marked as “cracker crab”, the ones that fall off of the processing conveyor in the plant and crack their shells. The loss of shell protection allows the crab meat in the legs to turn bad pretty rapidly, but the gills inside the main shell are still OK. These can be boiled down to make seafood stock for soups, an environmentally safe radiator coolant for a Prius or a soothing compress for boils or other lesions.
You are all welcome! And thank you all for your educational posts over the years.
Sincerely,
Eamon
PS- I know that you might be thinking “landfill” as you read this. I did too when I first smelled the containers, but then I remembered the saying about beggars not being choosers. Also the EPA has been on our backs since that last incident with the 4,000 lbs of tainted pork and the dumpsters behind Staples.
I have some good news for you- Me and a college buddy started an import/export company a few months ago and have had terrific success, primarily in the import of foods from central and eastern Europe. We just received two 20' shipping containers packed with seafood from Yugoslavia (a landlocked country that ships a suspiciously large amount of seafood...). Anyway, the containers arrived in Astoria with a disturbingly low ice to seafood ratio which is going to make further shipping problematic. The containers were destined for a a large fishing club in southern Kansas, but there is no way we can get them there before further cargo damage occurs. We are therefore going to give this bounty to you, because if the load doesn't go to a fishing club we don't get the tax break. The containers are enroute to the OFF Headquarters (Troutski's House) as I write this.
I poked around the inventory within the shipping containers and noted that you will be receiving the following:
78 20lb containers Longneck Clams. Some spotting on the meat, but nothing that can't be cut off before serving.
300lbs Oysters (4.3lb individual containers). See above for condition. I was excited because a majority of these oysters appeared to contain pearls, but upon closer inspection these lumps are some sort of chalky/slimy growths (that are probably delicious!). I also talked to an expert about this and he me told that few known pearls are green.
40 Containers marked “Whitefish/Cod Fillets” but actually look to be Salmon or some other red-blooded fish. I am pretty sure it is normal for the blood to be on the outside of the fillets.
12 cases with unknown contents (the shipping containers got pretty humid when they warmed up and the condensation destroyed these labels). I opened one of these boxes and found that you are the proud owner of about 400lbs of Eel Jerky. I think. There are also some suckers so it could also be dehydrated Calamari.
1000lbs Yugoslavian King Crab. These are marked as “cracker crab”, the ones that fall off of the processing conveyor in the plant and crack their shells. The loss of shell protection allows the crab meat in the legs to turn bad pretty rapidly, but the gills inside the main shell are still OK. These can be boiled down to make seafood stock for soups, an environmentally safe radiator coolant for a Prius or a soothing compress for boils or other lesions.
You are all welcome! And thank you all for your educational posts over the years.
Sincerely,
Eamon
PS- I know that you might be thinking “landfill” as you read this. I did too when I first smelled the containers, but then I remembered the saying about beggars not being choosers. Also the EPA has been on our backs since that last incident with the 4,000 lbs of tainted pork and the dumpsters behind Staples.
